the rose ceremony

Life can be a series of open doors, calculated decisions, and blind leaps of faith that twist and turn our choices into journeys, destinations, discovery. Not just to unveil where we're going or why we're here...but who we are. Who God created us to be.

I am a question person...I am the whiny kid in the back seat wondering "Are we there yet?" The tug at the pant leg that questions "What are you doing?" The inquisitive brow that wrinkles with a "Why?" On the rare occasion I ask out loud...but most of my inquiries remain locked inside a private conversation continuously dialoguing in my head.

Over the past couple of months I've been wrestling with a lot of questions...my future...my giftings...where am I going? What am I doing? Where will I be in the fall?...It has been a constant dialogue with my Creator, wrestling back and forth. Waiting for something to trigger a direction.

This whole process has morphed into a similiar dilemna of the final rose ceremony...two equally attractive prospects standing before me - my heart torn in both directions, and my time to make a decision breathing down my neck...


And after much deliberation, a fair share of tempting offers, and the feeling of cement shoes on my feet that constantly remind me of a circle of friends and family that love and care about me - I made a decision. There wasn't a green arrow pointing to a single door. There were multiple doors...all open...all inviting...all sharing in the balance of pros and cons. Each one holding people that I love and do life with. It was a wrestling match of epic proportion, weeks consumed with thought and prayer in actually choosing one.

And the rose goes to...


And so, for the next few months anyway, I remain separated from some amazing family and friends in Ontario to continue life's adventure in Alberta. I am excited to see what God has in store for me here. Had you told me a year ago I would CHOOSE to live in a city that reaches 40 below, I would have laughed in your face...in a nice way of course!

I guess God does have a sense of humour...

risk

Those who risk it all do so with the anticipation of something greater than their expectation being shadowed with the possibilty of losing big.

There's nothing like a good piece of reality tv to set the buzz amongst conversations. By unfortunate chance I happened to catch the "After the Final Rose" episode of the Bachelorette. Now there's quality television for you! Amidst broken hearts and sob stories, there was one sucker who got rejected on an earlier episode and "risked it all" to return to the show in hopes of winning the girl, only to be rejected a second time around...

And although I have little to no respect or sympathy for people who attempt to find true love in front of cameras and nations, there was something about this risk and rejection that set my thinking cogs in motion...
He thought he had it in the bag.
He gambled big
and ended up empty-handed at the end.
Was it worth it?
If he could go back, would he do it again?

I always thought the phrase "calculated risk" was a bit of an oxymoron. Risk involves unknown variables that cannot always be seen. There is nothing that we can possibly prepare for, guarantee, or reduce to an equation when true risk is involved.

But how many of us really risk in our lives?
Do we even know what it is anymore?
We have so much securing and insuring in our lives. Absorbed in our fast-process society, we tend to take the path of less resistance...why risk when you don't have to? The average person will stay in a job they hate because it guarantees a paycheck. They will enter into relationships that involve little pursuit because it entails a lesser chance of heartbreak. They will make the safe choices that surround them with a sense of security, lowering their aim from the stars to the things within reach.

The fear of failure.
The fear of struggling.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of vulnerability keeps us from experiencing the thrill of greater things.

But settling will never fully satisfy.
and the thought of "what if..." will haunt us on the opportune risks we let pass us by...
The risk of leaving the security of an unfulfilling job to find work that connects all of our passions.
The risk of possibly losing a friendship to unite soul mates.
The risk of being honest...
with thoughts.
feelings.
convictions.
In the life-altering.
In the miniscule.
Daring to dream.
Daring to pursue.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not advocating throwing yourself mindessly wherever the wind may take you! Risk still involves strategy...


But the bottom line the question will remain before us:
Will we place our trust in the seen? or the unseen?
At the edge of whatever chasm you are standing on, are you willing to risk the solid ground beneath you for the thrill of jumping into the unknown?
You just never know that on one of those risks of shooting for the stars, you might actually get one...

of strengths and weaknesses...

A childhood song was replaying in my head this morning on the way to church...

"the joy of the Lord is my strength..."

This simple phrase has usually been translated to mean that our physical strength comes from knowing God. That living in Him, we can overcome anything.
But this morning I began mulling over it in the light of the concept of strengths and weaknesses...
Is the joy of the Lord my strength? my strongpoint as a Christian?

There is a saying that has always brought some level of perspective in my life...
"Preach at all times, and when necessary, use words."
It constantly challenges me to look at my own life and contemplate what message I am daily sending of my relationship with Christ if words were not an option.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see when two people are enjoying their marriage and when a couple is merely co-occupating space or going through the motions.
The same is true in our relationship with God.
We've all met the honeymooners.
The seasoned couple, still going for walks and holding hands.
But we've also hung out with the ones on the rocks.
Those who are unhappily "sticking it out" because they know it's the "right" thing to do.
The posers.
I've lost count of how many services I've sat in where the participants look like they'd rather be getting their teeth pulled than sing another song, or the sullen Christians I have met who know all the answers, yet lack the freedom to truly enjoy God.
Because apparently that is our chief end...to glorify God and enjoy him forever...

Sometime, somewhere, someone equated a monotone, composed reverence to the epitome of holiness.
And through the years we've adopted this attitude, this controlled response...and forgotten how to express joy in our relationship with God in a natural way that honours and glorifies Him.
We get overwhelmed by the weight of sin.
The physical cost of sacrifice.
The drudgery of everyday life.
We harbour the fear that too much emotion will lead to mindless worship.

And it brought me back to the context of the passage in Nehemiah where that childhood song originated from...to a time when the people were hearing God's word, and were weeping at it's reality.
The reality of their sin.
The reality of truth.
And Nehemiah responds by telling them to feast!
They were commanded to enjoy choice foods and sweet drinks...
When's the last time you went to church, well aware of your shortcomings, and someone told you to party?

A wise man once commented on this passage..."These are the means which the Spirit of God crowns with success, in bringing the hearts of sinners to tremble and to become humbled before God. But these are enemies to their own growth in holiness, who always indulge sorrow, even for sin, and put away from them the consolations tendered by the word and Spirit of God."

Because, you see, joy is not always a smile...
but it finds its balance in seeing that God is holy...
that the reality of sin is overcome by the reality of a Saviour.

And so these questions have been stirring in my spirit...
What does enjoying God practically look like? here? now?
Am I truly enjoying my relationship with Him?
Is it the joy that others see and desire?
Is it my strength?

being ONE

In the last couple of weeks of trying to figure out what the next step of my life will be, I will admit to moments of exasperation, frustration and indifference in my prayer life. As the days draw me closer to making a decision, and the friendly suggestions increase, I hardly know anymore if I'm coming or going!

It's been in this season of long, drawn-out decision making that God has sent "gentle" reminders to me of where my focus needs to lie. There's a book that has been a constant bedside companion throughout the years, and on the random occasion I pick it up, I always have to laugh that what it has to say is exactly what I need (but not always want) to hear...

"If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, "I wonder why God allowed this or that?" And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God.

"Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him." (Matt.6:8) Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God's grace.

It is definitely a journey to be forged into a trophy of God's grace, and although the seasons of being shaped into His purposes may seem long and drawn out, they will be but a breath in the glimpse of eternity when God will greet us...

"Well done, good and faithful servant..."