2012...no fixed address

2011 has drawn to a close,
and I'll admit there is no love lost.
I can’t say I’ll be sad to see her go.

It’s been one of those years...
you know, the one that takes you to hell and back again,
and if you survive the first round, repeats the journey...


I don’t know if I can even find the words
to describe the journey I’ve found myself on
that has taken me far deeper
and far darker
than I thought I could go.

And I am not the same.
I don’t feel like myself.

A splintered life.
Unspoken wounds.
Grief.
Change.
Uncertainty.

As I look into the mirror of my life
and see the scars that the past 12 months have inflicted,
I feel such an overwhelming sense of loss.
Not just for the physical things of a life I once knew,
or the familiar that has morphed into the foreign,
but the constant drain on my character.
My spirit.
My strength.
My love for life.
My laughter.


It’s one thing to lose something.
It’s quite another to lose yourself.

2011 has taken quite enough...
and I am done.

The other weekend I was on worship team
and the simple chorus we were singing began to stir my thoughts...

How great
is our God,
sing with me
how great
is our God,
and all will see
how great,
how great
is our God

And I felt God challenge me...
So I’m great, huh?
What does my greatness look like in your life?
Why does it matter if I’m great?
What does it accomplish?
What difference does it make to you and this world that I am great?

Talk about humbling!
If I recognize His greatness with my words,
how come I don’t recognize his greatness with my life?
Living as if He is great enough to help me overcome whatever I may be facing?
Greater than divorce?
Homelessness?
Broken relationships?
Rejection?
Financial needs?
Health?
Displacement?
Frustration?
Doubts?
Disbelief?

And it was in these moments of gentle reprimand,
that God reminded me He is waiting.
Waiting to pour out his greatness.
To reach into the moments that devastate
and lift up the broken.
Waiting to permeate circumstances
and remind of greater purpose.
Waiting to turn our tainted reality
into greatness we cannot fathom.

With this in mind, I find relief in the final breaths of 2011!


The only thing I shall take with me are the scars from a long-fought journey,
as I look forward to the greatness that lies in the coming year.
In the unknown.
The unplanned.

It is my prayer
that no matter what experiences we will have to journey through,
that we all experience how great God really is...
in every fibre of our lives.
With every breath he gifts us.