Sunday, July 12, 2009

the hills are alive with the sound of...silence...

Soooo...as many of you are aware, I took a whirlwind trip to BC this weekend. As many of you are also aware, I am a music FIEND...there's always something on my ipod, in my cd player, downloading from itunes. I love music. I love discovering new sounds and artists. I am often found chilling, coffee in hand, to some genre.Needless to say, I have a plethora on my playlist that would long outlive a 12-hour trek through the mountains. A road trip is NEVER complete without the classic mixes for the journey! Except for this trip...this was going to be different. A conversation with a friend challenged me to perhaps branch out into unchartered territory, so as I set out on my lone adventure, I decided I would try to make it all the way to my BC homeland without the companion of music. That's right folks...a little bit of quiet time with me, myself, and I...and God. This was a trip where I wanted to be intentional about hearing what He had to say...

I never realized how uncomfortable I am with silence. The first couple hours were spent fidgeting my way through the miles with only the sound of wind whipping through my open windows or the impatient drumming of my fingers on the steering wheel. Hmmm...10 more hours to go...

Somewhere between departure and destination I began dialoguing with God.

"Ok...so what do you want me to do?"

This has been a question of interest to most people who take up conversation with me...what will you be doing in the fall? More importantly, WHERE will you be? Of which I have been evasive and non-commital in my response.

"What do YOU want to do?"

This response kind of halted me in my thinking tracks. It wasn't the ping pong question that usually accompanies bad, indecisive dates. It was the reminder of the simple truth that God is interested in our thoughts. Our desires. He created us that way...

I think sometimes we get caught up in the thought that to live for God involves sacrificing ALL of our desires. That we will be asked to do the jobs no one else wants to do in places no one else wants to go. That to live abandoned to our Creator, we will have to surrender what may seem like selfish pursuits.

I'll admit, it took me a while to answer the question. It's been so long since someone asked me what I wanted to do...instead of what I felt I should do. Where I felt pressured to be.

It was incredibly liberating as I unveiled my deeply rooted "wish list" to the One who already knew my thoughts.

Because, you see, He desires dialogue over dictatorship. He wants to partner with you...to see His will and that of His creation join with tandem vision. There are desires placed on our hearts that find their origin in Him. But sometimes it takes the step of faith in voicing them that engages the pursuit.

And so, for a time, my answers may continue to be evasive - but I am pursuing...and I will not rest until I rest in Him.