postcards and momentary pauses

I was reminded of a postcard I had bought the other day...

"So I haven't written much lately!… Neither has Shakespeare!"

Now although I don't have the excuse of death like William does, it really has been a while since I've written anything. Not that I haven't had the time (although time has been scarce as of late), but I haven't had anything to say.
I haven't felt like talking.

Now there's a first.

And it's a first that I've struggled with.
God has always had something churning my thoughts.
Some challenge stirring the pot.
But I've sat at my computer countless times, grasping at words and thoughts, and have come up rather empty - as my blog has given evidence to. I had such great intentions without execution.
Why?

And I've listened...
to hear the faded beat
of a lost heart.

Because I've been lost at sea,
in waves of apathy,
complacency,
inadequacy,
family turmoil,
personal reality.

and in my vain efforts to stay afloat
I've shut everything out.
Friends.
Family.
even God.
I've lost focus,
distracted in the moment,
absorbed by the overwhelming feeling of it all,
breathless on the treadmill of unfinished dreams
and misguided expectations.

And I can see the storm clouds rolling in...


And they are filled with the promise of drastic weather
and altering presence.
I can feel the wind whip against my face
circulating months of restlessness and wrestling
into a moment of confrontation.
And I can sense the tension of the waves as they surge towards that breaking point...

Are you done yet?...
Trying to do things on your own?
Trying to carry the weight of the world?
Living in your own strength?
Listening to the same old song?

Are you finished?...
Fighting?
Bartering?
Compromising?
Doubting?

Are you ready?...
For that which stretches human understanding?
To have breath fill your lungs?
To begin living?
To be whole?

Here begins the recovery...
the discovery...

pockets

pockets of doubt
deep with darkness
holding spare change
of broken faith
I hide my hands
forgetting the promise
and grasp that which is
the tangible space.