learning to let go...

There is something in the familiar that is comfortable.
Secure.
Empowering.
Safe.
There is something in the familiar that flirts with the endangering line of becoming static.
Hindering.
Routine.

A couple Sundays ago marked the last service in the place lovingly dubbed "The Big Blue House." I wasn't church-hopping when I first stumbled through the doors of this old church turned bar turned church, and I definitely wasn't expecting that the other side of those lime green doors would become home to the past two years of my spiritual growth.


It wouldn't have been my choice for a church home. It was completely on the opposite spectrum of what I had been raised in.
And yet it was the perfect fit.
I am traditionally untraditional.
I love the creative aspect of God.
I love the unique.
I love the challenge of change.
I love the comfort of the uncomfortable.
I love unpolished diamonds.
And I had come to love this place - scary bathrooms and all - ridiculously cold, dark, tattooed and falling apart.


But the time had come to say good-bye to a physical place that had come to mean so much, and hold so much. And in those quiet moments, writing on the walls that had seen so much change and growth in my spiritual journey, God spoke these words...

"You cannot hold on and press on at the same time."

This single phrase rippled through everything current in my life.
Sometimes we are holding on so tightly to things, that we miss out on the opportunity for God to take us to new places, and trust Him for new things.
Whether it is past experiences,
the security of a job
circles of friends
family
lifestyles
homes...
we become comfortable with the familiar and what we can see and hold.

"You cannot hold on and press on at the same time."

These words came at a time when I was saying good-bye...not just to a building, but to a life.
A life I was fairly comfortable in.
I knew where everything was.
I had a circle of family and friends who loved me.
I had plans for the weekend.
I knew my purpose.
What I held in my hands was good...but could I let it go for something "different"?
Something that didn't promise security?
Somewhere WAY outside my comfort zone?
Could I give up all that I had for something unseen?
And as I pondered these things, I could hear the whisper...

"Do you trust me?"

Because that is ultimately what it comes down to.
Trust.
Faith in the unseen.
Believing that the God of love who has blessed our lives with amazing things,
can one-up what He already has accomplished.
It's the vision to see what is in our hands is good...
but looking forward and knowing that something just as good (if not better) is waiting for us in the bend of the road.
And for God to fill our hands with new things, we need the strength to open our clenched fists with expectation.

For me that meant climbing in my car, traveling 3400 kms, through wind, snow, and ungodly cold stretches of Manitoba,
to sit in my new room in Edmonton,
No job.
No church.
No friends.
No security.
trying not to freak out over no longer being in control,
having more "free time" than I've had in the last 5 years combined...

And as the noise of life dies down,
I am in wonder at what God's about to do.
Open hearted.
Open handed.
Waiting.
Expecting.


"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on..." Phil.3:13