glimmers...

There is nothing colder than darkness.
Nothing more final than death.
And it is in the realm of life where one loses hope, that a hollowing pain empties our beings of any warmth...and something inside us dies and is buried.
Dreams.
Desires.
Expectations.
Anticipations.
Relationships.
Healing.
Loved ones.

The loss of hope brings a level of devestation into a life that can be irrepairable. A couple weeks ago I was in the prayer room @ our church journalling. In these raw, honest moments with God - I could feel I was losing hope. Getting frustrated with reality. Having a hard time seeing the future. Finding it hard to stand. Time seemed to be shortening. The darkness was getting colder.
And in this moment God directed my eyes to the photographs on the mantle. The one that held my family photo had a verse from Isaiah below it:

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength...

I'd heard the verse a million times before, but in that moment it struck something within me. God was reminding me to hold onto my hope...clenched fists, vice-gripped, white knuckled.
Why is it so important that we hold onto hope - in the midst of seeming unanswered prayers, struggles, weariness?
Because our "faith is the substance of things hoped for..." Our hopes are evidence of our faith in God. Our faith in His healing. His provision. His timing. His perfect plan. When we become hopeless, it is often a sign that we have taken our eyes off Jesus and started looking at the waves roaring around us. It is no time before we, like Peter, start sinking into darkness...

We can rejoice, too,
when we run into problems and trials,
for we know that they help us develop endurance.
And endurance develops strength of character,
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment.
For we know how dearly God loves us,
because he has given us the Holy Spirit
to fill our hearts with his love.

Part of this journey in life is learning endurance...developing character. Being reminded that God's love NEVER fails. If everything came instantly (as we have been conditioned to expect), these fundamentals would be rooted in the shallowness of our lives, and we wouldn't grow or become strong individuals.
I ask you this...at the end of the day, has God ever disappointed you? Has He ever NOT turned something to good in the end? Has He ever not loved you? Not answered? Not given you His best (even if it takes a different face then what you had wanted?

It didn't take God long to show me how quickly things could change...
in a moment...at the right time...the right place...
And with a gentle reminder I could hear Him encouraging me from the sidelines:
"...just hold on a little while longer...you're almost there!"

just a bit of silliness really...

As most of you are well aware, I have come to term my life as “the gong show” …a series of obscure and random events that continue to keep me amused and adventured. The past month has been fairly bizarre…not going to lie.
God has been awesome at teaching me things as I have been striving to be obedient to where He has currently placed me. There are times I feel alone in my decision making process, and He has been constant in reminding me that He is near. He is interested in every detail of my life. He is available. 24/7/365.
One thing that has been ringing true is that each life has a different set of instructions and assembly – we all have been created with our own unique paths and purposes. We all were made to look different, love different, live different. Whether we choose to walk in that is another story. But if we dare to step outside the flow, to not try and box our lives to look like the next, it will be amazing what new worlds will unfold for us…
All this musing reminded me of the movie “Finding Neverland”, depicting the life of J.M. Barrie. Here was a playwright who saw such different worlds, and found freedom outside the box of regular thinking. People deemed him crazy – and yet that pressure did not hold him back from penning his masterpiece that connects with the “child in all of us”…Peter Pan. He saw worlds unseen and unknown, and shared them with the skeptic - silencing the critic.

I share this to premise a bizarre but true thing that happened to me last nite.
Setting: a big blue building I call church, for a nite of prayer/worship
Status: sporting lobster arms, nursing a pulled abdominal muscle, but otherwise unhindered and ready

Usually Thursdays are set aside for just praying…but tonite we incorporated a time of worship beforehand. As I was thinking over something that God had been teaching me, I could hear that one of my friends sitting behind me was sniffling. I went to get a box of Kleenex. Not knowing the words to say, I simply sat beside her, rubbing her back and praying for her.

All was copasetic.

Enter the bizarre.

For some of you this may be a strange thing, but every once in a while God will give me a picture. Sometimes it’s fairly “normal”…other times it’s just a little out there (given my track record of gong shows…I’m sure you’re finding that hard to imagine!) Anyways, this picture I got was of my friend, and God had just given her a new pair of white shoes. She was so excited, she was running around showing everyone her new shoes. At this point I was thinking I was suffering a little bit of sunstroke or heat exhaustion. In such a “spiritual” moment, to share this would be silliness…
Because I have tried to start being obedient, even to the point of what may look stupid (or silly) to others, I started writing down what I saw and different verses and specific things that God was giving me to partner with it:

"For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared." Galatians 6:15

How beautiful…are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation" Isaiah 52:7

I gave her the note, silently praying she wouldn’t think I had totally lost my marbles! During our time of sharing/prayer, she got up and laid out what God had been doing in her during worship. Interestingly enough, before reading my note, she had seen a picture of shoes and thought it was a little bizarre. Interestingly enough they were white (an obscure fact I had left out of my note!)

I know this story strays from a conventional way of thinking – a step-by-step process that we can control and come to within the realms of logic. The only reason in sharing it was in the hope to encourage you with the simple truth that God still speaks to His people. He wants to know you and be known by you. He moves in mysterious ways to perform wonders that sometimes mess with our minds. If you don’t believe me, I suggest you pick up the Bible and peruse – both OT and NT – some pretty bizarre things that bite the butt of logic.
Before you think I'm in need of a padded room, I just want to say there is a place for logic. But there is also a place for things that are bigger than what our minds can comprehend. Some have probably stopped reading by now and chalked it up to the cheap drugs I did in school (which are nonexistant...I have no substance excuse for my thinking patterns!) Some will read this note and write it off that we conjured up such a coincidence. Others will be intrigued at the possibility that something like this could actually happen.
My only purpose in ruffling feathers and rocking boats is to remind you that God has given us His Spirit to lead and to guide us. By having realtionship with God, we are privy to a world that is unseen and unknown by most. God is calling us to share this with the skeptic, the critic...to connect to the spiritual being buried deep within us all.
This experience taught me that the Spirit does give us the words to say in season. This comes in part when we make ourselves available with a willing and obedient spirit...one that is not afraid to be different.
Don’t be afraid. Step out in faith. Pursue Him with your whole heart, soul, mind and strength! God wants to use you. God wants to reveal Himself to you. He's not just interested in what you have to offer on Sundays or Wednesday nites…He’s interested in every part! Every darkened corner. Every hidden hope. Every dream. Every desire. He created you unique. He created you with purpose..And sometimes, just to encourage your faith and remind you of the fact that He is listening and speaking, He may use just a bit of silliness really…