Monday, July 03, 2006

when will it stop?...


I haven't written in a while...in fact, I haven't had time to do much of anything lately. I'll be heading out on a road trip to California in a couple days and there are HEAPS of things that need to be accomplished before then. My schedule right now has been the craziest it has ever been EVER! Between three jobs (yes, I am a workaholic), landscaping projects, friends, family, ministries, youth, house sitting...where will the list stop?!...I have become famous for keeping busy...
And in the 10 minutes I had between photo sessions tonite I had a moment to just reflect on life. On my life. I take on so much stuff that the things that truly are important fall to the back burner or lay dusting on shelves of good intentions. I've begun to lose my identity and uniqueness by doing instead of being. God really burned that into my thoughts when I realized I had given my time, but not my heart. I love Him...and would do ANYTHING for Him or His Kingdom...and yet, I am so busy doing that, I haven't given Him the one thing He desires...my heart.
He just wants to love on me...but it's always "just one minute" or "I'll be there in a sec..." or "After I get this done..." When will I ever learn?!!
I am looking forward to this trip...turning off the treadmill and taking a few weeks off. I know it will still be chaotic...I mean, what normal single 27-year old takes a road trip with four kids aged 1-7?! But it will be an adventure. It will be time to enjoy a huge chunk of God's creation that will uniquely be impressed upon my memories. It will be time to spend with family and friends who have always been there - despite my leaves of absence when I run slave to my schedule. But most importantly...it will be time with God...away from the responsibilities that haunt my thoughts and sap my time away from Him. May I truly come to understand the real meaning of balance in the awesomeness of His presence...

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