Box 16
I just got back from Kingdom Bound (a Christian festival in the States) and I KNOW it's late, but I just had to write of one of my experiences that I had while I was there.
I wasn't anticipating tears while I waited in our box seats for the bands to play...but that's what came. Slow, steady tears as a man shared his testimony about a life of 9 stepdads, sexual abuse starting at age 7, an alcoholic and abusive mother, a father who didn't care. He had been emphasizing the point that we all have choices in our lives of who we want to be, of what we are becoming, of how we live and how we love. No matter what path is set before us, we are the ones responsible for choosing the direction and the attitude of our hearts.
I was pretty dry up until this point, and then he shared about the time his son was 7 and heard his testimony for the first time. The little boy was so heart-broken over the fact that it wasn't fair his dad had not been blessed with the loving parents that he had. He wasn't thinking of himself, he was grasping his father's pain. All the boy could do was cry...and say, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" And I understood in my heart a small measure of the pain he experienced. My heart had cried the same thing..."It's not fair God...why can't my family be normal? Why do others experience peace and godly leadership and protection?" It hurts when other people's choices affect you deeply. I love my dad dearly, but for the past 5 years it has been a downward spiral of decision making that has been rooted in self. He has the opportunity to choose - to say you mean more to me than me. I want a relationship with you. I will protect you - because your safety physically and spiritually is important to me. TV, golf, work...whatever I am trying to fill my empty void with is not as important as loving you.
And that's when the PDE started (public display of emotion for those of you who are not in the know!) I was rather stealth at hiding it with my mass of hair (for once I was thankful for the pile of frizz!). The tears were not new to me, but I'm much better with them when they're not in a crowded stadium of people to spectate. And as I was trying to wipe at them without drawing attention, I saw a hand come from the side. It was the hand of a man sitting in the box beside me - a stranger. And as it stretched toward me, I saw in it the hand of God. The speaker had been talking about how God is the Father to the fatherless...and here in this place, He was using this man to remind me He loved me. That He WAS right beside me. That thru His people, thru the make-up of His world-wide family He can be a Father, a Mother, a sister, a brother...a comfort to the broken and the hurting.
God has indeed blessed my life beyond measure with godly men to surround me with prayer, with love and protection. He knows and understands my needs and vulnerability, and through the lives of the available, He has hedged me in and sent "substitute dads" - be it in the little things - like oil changes with my uncle, or prayer time with my boss, or hours of convos and nattering over a nice cup of java and a game of skipbo - God has been filling that emptiness and protecting me. Although none of these mean more than the relationship I could have with my dad, they have shown me how awesome it is to be a member in the family of God and have touched my heart deeply with the knowledge that somebody cares and loves me.
And so I challenge you with this: be available to be a brother, a sister, a mother, a father to those who are hurting around you...even if it is a stranger sitting beside you in a crowded auditorium! Choose to allow God to use you to manifest Himself in this world. And you never know...maybe sometime, somewhere when you least expect it but most need it, the "hand of God" will reach out to you!
ps. I wrote this - not wanting to disrespect my earthly father - but to reveal the presence of my Heavenly Father and His faithfulness. When people fail me, God is there. Where there is a need or emptiness - especially in relationships - God is my all in all and fills these to abundance.
I wasn't anticipating tears while I waited in our box seats for the bands to play...but that's what came. Slow, steady tears as a man shared his testimony about a life of 9 stepdads, sexual abuse starting at age 7, an alcoholic and abusive mother, a father who didn't care. He had been emphasizing the point that we all have choices in our lives of who we want to be, of what we are becoming, of how we live and how we love. No matter what path is set before us, we are the ones responsible for choosing the direction and the attitude of our hearts.
I was pretty dry up until this point, and then he shared about the time his son was 7 and heard his testimony for the first time. The little boy was so heart-broken over the fact that it wasn't fair his dad had not been blessed with the loving parents that he had. He wasn't thinking of himself, he was grasping his father's pain. All the boy could do was cry...and say, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" And I understood in my heart a small measure of the pain he experienced. My heart had cried the same thing..."It's not fair God...why can't my family be normal? Why do others experience peace and godly leadership and protection?" It hurts when other people's choices affect you deeply. I love my dad dearly, but for the past 5 years it has been a downward spiral of decision making that has been rooted in self. He has the opportunity to choose - to say you mean more to me than me. I want a relationship with you. I will protect you - because your safety physically and spiritually is important to me. TV, golf, work...whatever I am trying to fill my empty void with is not as important as loving you.
And that's when the PDE started (public display of emotion for those of you who are not in the know!) I was rather stealth at hiding it with my mass of hair (for once I was thankful for the pile of frizz!). The tears were not new to me, but I'm much better with them when they're not in a crowded stadium of people to spectate. And as I was trying to wipe at them without drawing attention, I saw a hand come from the side. It was the hand of a man sitting in the box beside me - a stranger. And as it stretched toward me, I saw in it the hand of God. The speaker had been talking about how God is the Father to the fatherless...and here in this place, He was using this man to remind me He loved me. That He WAS right beside me. That thru His people, thru the make-up of His world-wide family He can be a Father, a Mother, a sister, a brother...a comfort to the broken and the hurting.
God has indeed blessed my life beyond measure with godly men to surround me with prayer, with love and protection. He knows and understands my needs and vulnerability, and through the lives of the available, He has hedged me in and sent "substitute dads" - be it in the little things - like oil changes with my uncle, or prayer time with my boss, or hours of convos and nattering over a nice cup of java and a game of skipbo - God has been filling that emptiness and protecting me. Although none of these mean more than the relationship I could have with my dad, they have shown me how awesome it is to be a member in the family of God and have touched my heart deeply with the knowledge that somebody cares and loves me.
And so I challenge you with this: be available to be a brother, a sister, a mother, a father to those who are hurting around you...even if it is a stranger sitting beside you in a crowded auditorium! Choose to allow God to use you to manifest Himself in this world. And you never know...maybe sometime, somewhere when you least expect it but most need it, the "hand of God" will reach out to you!
ps. I wrote this - not wanting to disrespect my earthly father - but to reveal the presence of my Heavenly Father and His faithfulness. When people fail me, God is there. Where there is a need or emptiness - especially in relationships - God is my all in all and fills these to abundance.
posted by The Bean Bag Chair at 11:01 PM
1 Comments:
you have a cool blog.
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