turning point

Sitting in the back room @ school, waiting for a laminator to heat up, I felt the urgency of squeezing in some morning devos, so I hauled out the camo and opened up in the psalms. Hoping for something to divert me from my present personal frustration, seeking direction, and craving connection, I flipped to Chapter 13...

"O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?"

Hahahaha....talk about connecting to my headspace in the opening verse!
Hello?!!!
Remember me down here?!!!
Relocated to the arctic wastelands of Fort Saskatchewan?!!
My whole "visitation" to the western world was inspired by the need to seek God. To quiet down my life and listen. To get some answers...some direction - without feeling the pressures of being pushed and pulled in every direction by well-meaning people in my life.

And so far I've got nothing.
Nothing but silence.
And silence is something I'm not usually comfortable with.

You see, I have a problem relaxing...I'm a bit of a workaholic actually. I want to make sure I am maximizing my potential.
I want to live with purpose.
I want to be intentional in every area of my life.
And now it's God's turn to be intentional.
Intentionally silent.
Because His silence is forcing me to stop.
To be patient.
To rest in Him.
To restore my weary spirit.
To rebuild the broken.
To lay burdens down.
To learn to trust.
To exhale.

If He gives me direction, I must go.
If He speaks, I must be obedient in response.
But if he is silent, I must be still and wait on him.
Because, you see, sometimes God's silence is not punishment...
it is a blessing of rest to lives grown weary.
And although we could probably push out another mile,
he gives us what we need in season...
Because he loves us.
Because he is good.

"Restore the sparkle to my eyes...
I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me."

In six short verses, David brings us full circle from the pit of despair, to the reminder of the hope that lives within us...the God who loves us.
And so I wait in silence, knowing the sparkle days will come...