forty

As some of you may or may not be aware - I have spent the last 40 days fasting. For those of you unfamiliar with this practice, it is the sacrificing of something in your life to help you spiritually focus for a season. It is something that I've done in the past - but this time around I wanted something that would actually be work for me to cut out. So I chose solid food.
I know...what was I thinking?
I love food.
I love making food.
I love the texture of food.
I didn't realize how much it was a part of my life...until now.
It has been an interesting venture - nothing of what my anticipations would have wagered for - and at the end of it all, I am somewhat in a daze. In the wake of the past week, I'll be honest, I don't really feel like sharing. But I know that if I don't do it now...I never will. I have experienced the fingerprints of God on my life in a deep way - not in the way I was expecting -and I am changed...and changing...
The one thing that has amazed me through it all is this: not one person in the last 40 days asked me what God was saying - they were more concerned with the weight I must be losing and the food I wasn't eating. The almighty scale posed more interest than the spiritual.
And in truth, keeping my focus off the physical and onto the unseen has been the battle over the past 6 weeks. And as I've sipped my way through two blenders, a couple national elections, and the loss of a friend - today is the day of perspective and looking back on the journey...

Blenders are my new best friend.
Squash soup is off the menu for a long while.
I do not go to bed hungry.
I have a better understanding of what manna may have tasted like after 40 days - let alone 40 years!
Living on the edge is undertaking Thanxgiving dinner when you can't pre-taste anything!
Guacamole smoothies just don't compete with the real deal.
If it can't be blended...it can be melted.
Cheesecake freezes.
"Do you have a blender?" is not a crazy question to a waiter who is dressed like a hot dog.
Creativity is a good solution to deprivation!
Food takes up a lot of my thoughts.
Not eating is my choice - not my circumstance.
We take for granted the simple things God gives us.
I'm good at planning...it's the sticking to the plan that is work!
Writing my daily journey in my journal was a good idea...poorly executed.
Sacrifice is hard for selfish people.
I have a lot to learn about prayer.
I have a lot to learn about God.
I do not fully understand sacrifice.

Last nite I was lying in bed, unable to sleep after an exhaustive day of grieving. I was crossing a finish line - not in the burst of victorious home stretch adrenaline as I had anticipated, but crawling - wearied from the journey.
There are many things God carried my spirit through in the past 40 days - some I have shared. Some I may never share. I found it interesting my last day of fasting was spent at the graveside of a young friend and mother...I started the fast looking for answers, and ending it with more questions than I had begun with.

This, my friend, is life.
Unpredictable.
Searching.
Wrestling.
Sacrificing.
Seeking change.
Subject to change.
No guarantees.

In a moment - it all changes, and you realize it's not just about setting aside 40 days to gain perspective - but a lifetime.
Every moment counts.
Every day is a gift.
How you choose to unwrap that is your choice.

Seek the Lord while you can find him.
Call on him now while he is near.
Isaiah 55:6