360+5

I was inspired today.
By a movie.
A movie about french cuisine
365 days
and a blog.

And as I was driving to hang out with a friend
I was challenged.
Challenged by a thought -
a God -
desperate to be known,
discovered,
sought after...
by me.

And the invitation sat in my heart...
the provocative idea
that I couldn't always wait for the reality of God to hit me in the face.
That He wasn't just about revealing Himself.
That there were elements of His character that needed to be pursued.
Intentionally.
With perseverance.
Dedication.

The thought of finding or learning something new every day about a God I have committed my life to be in relationship with has been a little exciting and daunting at the same time. Like reaching the summit of Mount Everest - exciting at the prospect...daunting in the climb - the work involved.

It means a lot of thought.
Asking questions.
Learning to listen.
To pursue.
To press into uncharted water.

And so I embark on my 360 + 5...
A full circle with some bonus steps.
Some of you may be at a loss to think of 10, let alone 365 aspects of God.
Maybe you will be intrigued by my journey...
maybe you will be inspired to begin your own...
but may we all be changed by the collision of humanity with that which we will never be able to fully scratch the surface of.

Be prepared to be surprised.


For those of you wanting to hitch a ride on my journey, the blog will continue it's daily course on: 360+5

the morning after

Do you ever have a moment that is so incredible, you hate the thought of crawling into bed and closing your eyes with the fear that it will slip through your fingers and be gone by morning? If only we could hold on to moments forever...live in the adrenaline of that moment forever.
If only...


You see, it's easy to fall in and out of love with the church...
to become disillusioned by her glaring faults
to be first critic to her weaknesses
to be wearied by her call to duty.
It is easy to jump on the bandwagon of human hype
and fall off in the realization you have joined the circus.

But when all the background noise is silenced
and there are no meetings to attend,
no groups to run
no planet to save...
and God becomes the object of affection,
void of all distraction,
it changes things.
When you meet God
- really meet God -
it changes things.
It changes you.

Life on planet earth is one riddled with the pursuit of answers.
Discovering who you are
and what that means
and what you mean
to the season you find existence.
To the people you do life with.
To the God who created you.
My journey has involved searching the depths of my humanity and how that relates to God.
Tangibly.
Realistically.
Relationally.
And God always surprises me.

One of the things that always seems to accompany discovering or rediscovering my heart with God is the fear that it will only last a moment.
That the memory will fade in time.
That I will soon forget what I have seen...
what I have learned.
But one of the songs that stuck out in our worship the other night reminded me that I am not the only one pursuing...

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

I've always wondered about the morning after the wedding...
what it would feel like waking up beside someone.
Continuing on a journey with someone.


I rolled over in bed this morning, and with a smile realized I was not alone...

rings, things and first loves

The snow lies in moonlit blankets, the air at 30 below is "fresh", and warmly wrapped in a snuggly blanket with candles flickering in the fireplace, the moment is surprisingly perfect. It must be the end of the year...the time of the calendar where everyone reflects back on the last 365, and sets goals for the next.
So much has transpired...
So much is anticipated...

I greeted the morning of the last day of the year with the news that a friend had received a ring. A ring that would end her years of waiting and catapult her into a new season, a new adventure. She had found her forever love...


And we celebrated...

One can't be overtly excited about their new years plans when they have work scheduled in the prime time of festivities, but the commute affords some great reflection time. And in my two hours round trip, my solace afforded me snippets of my past 30 years...
hearts bursting with the height of adventure
or the depth of loss
grill cheese in countryside castles
walkman karaoke
muddy games of football
plastic tents in cow pastures
rooftops in Peru
walking highschool halls
or Californian piers
oyster cards
Grand Central Station
Telephones and Great Ones
and cities of Champions...

So many places penned in my existence,
so many memories squirreled away in my collection...
and of all the great adventures I have embarked on,
there is one that has alluded the wanderlust of my soul,
the blazing reality that haunts thoughts:
that I have yet to fall in love.
To be in love.
There's been varying levels of attraction
Odd dates and random moments...
But all pale in depth to the reality of love.

God's been reminding me of this lately.
What it means to be in love.
To love Him.

I've grown up in Christian circles...
One service or two
Mid-week
Youth
Small Groups
Mission Trips
Evangelism
Humanitarian Aid
Study
Debate
Conferences
Worship
Prayer
I've done it all...

And God's reply was direct...

I see what you've done,
your hard, hard work,
your refusal to quit.
I know you can't stomach evil,
that you weed out apostolic pretenders.
I know your persistence,
your courage in my cause,
that you never wear out.

But...

you walked away from your first love
—why?
What's going on with you, anyway?
Do you have any idea how far you've fallen?

The truth in this passage has been cutting away at my thoughts for the last couple weeks.
We hide so well behind our clubs
and groups
services
pretenses
and sacrifices
that it is easy to spend our time in existence instead of relationship.
We spend our time doing
instead of being.
We bear the name
but never taste the love.

I spent my New Years Eve quite differently than the 30 preceding...
I spent it at home
with a handful of guests...
candlelit vigil
of prayer
and worship
and quiet moments
to be still
and know...

These past few months have been a wrestling in my spirit
a battle for my focus and purpose
and I've struggled...
I've fallen...
I've forgotten...


But in scarlet moments,
Hope is coming for me...
for I was made to know You.
And in a moment of crying out on the kitchen floor -
hungry heart and thirsty spirit
I saw the year unfolding before me
in the awkward,
the adventure
of rediscovering my first love.
Opening the dormant, cob-webbed heart
to One who has been waiting.
One who is ready
to take my hand
and make fresh tracks
in the coming dawn.

My hope and prayer for all of you
wherever 2010 may bring you,
however God's best comes wrapped and boxed in your life...
to not forget
Love.
To find
Love.
To live
Love.
To Love.